The Jackhole Appraiser from Hell - Part 2

There's chipping paint everywhere.  Stating that we have to "address the chipping paint" is roughly equivalent to "paint the house".  Fortunately, it didn't say that on the appraisal -- is just specified the paint around the windows. Evidently, chipping paint on the exterior of a house could be a health and safety hazard... good luck selling those old homes,  America!

Seals your chipping paint.
And your fate.

Anyway, we get Craig to go out to the house and put a coat of sealant on the chipping paint.  Here's what he used:
XIM Products Inc 11461 1 Gallon Acrylic Gel Bonding Primer, Clear  

Fast drying, penetrating, filling primer for exterior applications. Ideal for rough surfaces, T111 Siding, Plywood, Stucco, Brick,. Can save hours of prep work. Remains flexible. Low temp, high humidity application. Soap and water clean-up. Top coat with exterior latex and elastomeric paints in 60 minutes. Tintable with water based tint colors. 
You can get it at Sherwin Williams and other high quality paint stores (maybe I'll get a coupon if I plug more product...) This sealant is like Elmers glue - thick and tacky and dries clear.  It's also pricy -- up to $50/gallon.  But it does the job and Craig seals the chipping paint around the windows (which is what the appraiser asked for).

The appraiser comes back out a day or two later (for another $100 fee, mind you) to make sure that we have a stove, got the hole in the wall inspected and addressed the paint.  Andrea and Amy and I meet him at the house to make sure that he has everything he needs and understands the product we used, that it dries clear, etc.

He eventually shows up wearing basketball shorts and sneakers.

Celebrity rendering of
Jackhole Appraiser

He notices the stove (doesn't even turn it on).  He confirms that he's gotten all the documentation on the imaginary structural thing and the primer/sealant. And then he congratulates us on the house.  The prick then goes outside, takes pictures of the side of the house and leaves without saying another word.

Turns out he goes back to the appraisal management company and tells them that we didn't address the peeling paint!  

We throw a fit.  All of us -- the realtor, the mortgage company, Amy and I are in tears yelling "why is he doing this to us?!"  -- seriously, it was like this guy was slowly extorting $100 fees out of us and there was no help from the appraisal managers.

Trina, the operations person from the appraisal management company, says "the paperwork with the 1004D only states that the windows were sealed with a primer. The photos provided clearly show the peeling paint/exposed wood on both the window sill and the exterior of the home." We complain and complain -- saying "the sealant dries clear - he needs to touch the paint to see that it's been sealed."  We finally get them to say that we just have to paint another (large) section of the house to get a passing grade.  Fine.  We go to the paint store for another can of glue.

We buy another 2 gallons of XIM and tint it white this time so the Jackhole can see that it's applied.  It's 5PM and we start painting the outside of the house.  The white sealant on the outside of the house looks horrible:

yuck.

super yuck.

Andrea comes over and tells us that we have to paint it the same color as the rest of the house -- otherwise the appraiser will just say it looks like shit and we won't get the loan.  FINE.  Back to the paint store at 6:45 with a giant chip of paint from the house.  They match the color and give me a gallon of cream-colored primer.  It's now 8:30, cold, starting to rain, and life just generally sucks.  Good thing Andrea took a picture:

Thanks to Andrea DuFresne for capturing this special moment.

We leave that night absolutely despondent -- no clue if the appraiser is going to tell us to fix something else or point out something completely different.

The next day we finally pound some sense into the appraisal management clowns and they promise that a new appraiser will come out, look at everything and give us his opinion that morning -- and they graciously offered to pick up the fee for that visit.  How nice of them!  Jerks.

The new guy comes out and doesn't have a thing to say.  Maybe after they realize that they can't extort any more money out of us, they decided not to find anything else.  I'm convinced it's either that or plain old neglect.  Word to the wise:  make the First Choice NW Appraisal Management company your last choice.